You know what? I've been having a HORRIBLE day! I couldn't sleep because I had this feeling someone or something was in my room even though nothing was. I tried to go on a hike when I woke up, but I was completely drained, a feeling that continued to follow me around all day. I had to pay my roommate's half of the rent ( $573 ) because we're about to get evicted if it isn't paid, and this isn't even the first time that has happened! I've been feeling pretty hopeless in the romantic portion of my life. I've been really struggling with weight loss and trying to find peace when I look at myself in the mirror. And this feeling of loneliness and self-loathing for being too timid to do anything about said loneliness began to consume me.
And honestly, I've just been having an off and on again horrible time the past few months, and that realization enveloped me, too.
I decided to turn to music because I haven't been able to conjure up any good writing lately ( another reason for my sour mood ), or art either, for that matter. I remembered an artist I used to listen to when I was little and I played "God Speaking" by Mandisa. It wasn't exactly what I needed, but it's a great song nonetheless. Suddenly, the next song that played on the YouTube queue was "Never Gonna Steal My Joy" from Mandisa.
I haven't cried so much in a long time. It wasn't a sad cry, but rather I was crying from feeling such relief and hope.
Music is truly a beautiful thing, and it has saved me from a lot of wallowing in self-pity tonight.
If any of you are feeling how I was feeling before, which I know all of you will at one point in your life if you aren't right now, then take a step back from life for a moment and breathe because you WILL make it through this! It might not be immediately, hell, is anything truly good for you ever immediate (besides fast food because that shit cleanses the soul!)? Your life isn't going to be spotless and perfect, but that's good; "Smooth waters never made for a skilled sailor".
And honestly, I've just been having an off and on again horrible time the past few months, and that realization enveloped me, too.
I decided to turn to music because I haven't been able to conjure up any good writing lately ( another reason for my sour mood ), or art either, for that matter. I remembered an artist I used to listen to when I was little and I played "God Speaking" by Mandisa. It wasn't exactly what I needed, but it's a great song nonetheless. Suddenly, the next song that played on the YouTube queue was "Never Gonna Steal My Joy" from Mandisa.
I haven't cried so much in a long time. It wasn't a sad cry, but rather I was crying from feeling such relief and hope.
Music is truly a beautiful thing, and it has saved me from a lot of wallowing in self-pity tonight.
If any of you are feeling how I was feeling before, which I know all of you will at one point in your life if you aren't right now, then take a step back from life for a moment and breathe because you WILL make it through this! It might not be immediately, hell, is anything truly good for you ever immediate (besides fast food because that shit cleanses the soul!)? Your life isn't going to be spotless and perfect, but that's good; "Smooth waters never made for a skilled sailor".
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