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Indy and the Kidnapper

11/29/2014

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In the fourth grade, we got to write a book and get it published. You can only imagine my excitement as an aspiring author, even at the age of 9! And guess what little treat you guys get! You get to read my book!! Yay! *cheers and applause* Thank you, thank you.

Now, this book did have illustrations, but as I am feeling incredibly lazy on this particular day, I will not put them in. Perhaps later in life I will redo this blog post and put the pictures in. I don't know. We'll see.
Anyway, here's Indy and the Kidnapper written by 9 year old me!


Once upon a time there was a beautiful little girl named Indy. She lives in a valley and in a small cottage with her mom. Every morning Indy would climb up the mountains (they were really hills, but they were so big they were the size of mountains) and sing for an hour with the birds and the deer. At night she would go into the forest and sing for an hour with the deer, birds, raccoons, and wolves.

One morning when Indy was walking up the mountain an evil man wrapped her up in rope, raped her mouth shut, and took her away. Indy tried and tried to get lose but she couldn't. The man took her to his nasty cottage and strapped her to a chair and asked, "Where is your valley's bank?"
"I shall never tell you, never ever, ever," Indy replied.

"I'll just not give you any food or water until you tell me then."
The next morning Indy got sick of not eating or drinking so she started to sing. All of the animals came. They untied her. Indy gave them all a hug and then said, "You guys can go now. This I must do." All of the animals left in a hurry. Indy took a stick and kicked down the door. "You can't kidnap me and get away with it."

The kidnapper grabbed a stick, and they started to fight. After five minutes Indy finally broke the kidnapper's stick. Indy tied him up in rope and taped his mouth shut. Indy sang and the animals came. She sat him upon two deer and she rode on a wolf. When they got to a really big hill, they dropped him. Indy gave them all hugs and promised them she would come back at night and show them all the good drinking areas, homes, and where to get fabulous food.

Then, Indy ran to catch up with him. Indy picked him up and walked him to the sheriff. 
"Mister, this guy kidnapped me and I would really like it if you would take him off of my hands," Indy said.
"Are you Indy?" the policeman asked.

"Yes, I am."
"Now, please take him away. He is really heavy."
"Oh, sorry," the police said.
He came back and said, "What did he do to you?"
"Well, he tied me up in rope, taped my mouth shut, yelled at me, and didn't feed me or give me water."
"Stay right there," he said. When he came back he had a ton of papers.

He sat them on his desk and started to call people. After three minutes a lot of people started to come with a ton of food. Indy was incredibly happy. She gave people hugs, talked, and ate almost all of the food. Indy's mom bought Indy a dog so she could protect herself better. Indy was even happier than she was before.

The End.


Yes, you're welcome for that wonderful tale.

Notes on the book:


I would just like to say how incredibly proud of myself that I said "shall" at the age of nine. *pats myself on the back*
"Now, please take him away. He is really heavy." Okay, that's just funny to me for some reason:)
I feel I truly summed up who I am by this one sentence: "She gave people hugs, talked, and ate almost all of the food." 
And can I just express how difficult it was to copy this on here without correcting my grammar mistakes!!! I caught myself at least eighty-three and a half times putting a comma between a dependent and independent clause.


But yeah! I hope you guys enjoyed my little book!!


The world is your oyster!


Remember: tickling is no longer fun if the person who is being tickled pees their pants.


You're a pretty cool dude, I guess.


Sayonara!



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10 Commandments of Me

11/27/2014

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I like to think of myself as a fairly easy-going person . . . at times. However, as a human being, I am prone to have steam pour out of my ears at the stupid things people do. 
The biblical 10 Commandments were set in place to keep God's people from entering the gate's of hell, in short. My 10 Commandments are set for the same reasons.
Now, I did not put my most prominent pet peeves in this list, for I try to forget that people are capable of such . . . we shall call them ignorant atrocities. Therefore, no matter how hard I try, I can't remember them without experiencing them. Does that make sense??
Anyway! Here are my personal 10 Commandments!
Enjoy


1.)Thou shall not touch my food without permission.

      I will kill you.
      My food is my happiness. Food is in fact one of my favorite things in the world; I think it will go for my top five. Don't believe me? Well, here's a story.
      In eighth grade around Christmas, I was suffering from serious chocolate withdrawals. I think was going on month 2 of not having chocolate--that's a serious criminal offense. A friend of mine, however, gave me two Christmas-themed chocolates as a gift. If you know me, you know that I don't tend to savor my food. I will eat it immediately and love every second of it. But due to my withdrawals, I decided to savor the chocolate. My plan was to finish my science test, and then I would eat one of the chocolates. I got up to turn in my test, leaving both chocolates on my desk, and when I headed back to my desk, I saw the most horrifying sight. The boy behind me was popping one of my chocolates into his mouth. (Men, a little word of advice, NEVER touch a girl's chocolates; they are sacred.) A little unhinged from not having chocolate in two months and watching someone eat something so precious to me, I grabbed hold of his desk (it's one of the ones where the seat and the desk are connected) and flipped it. 
      For everyone wondering, he was not injured. However, he was mentally scarred and learned a very important lesson.

2.)Thou shall not whisper in my ear.

      Now, I fully understand that this is a turn on for some people, but that is far from the truth for me. The very idea of hot, moist air mixed with saliva entering my inner ear is emotionally paralyzing. It is totally different if someone is whispering next to my ear, but hot damn, if it is inside my ear, I squirm and such a big part of me wants to cry. Moral of the story: Whispering in my ear is not okay.

3.)Thou shall be a person.
  
      Be a person? What does that mean?
      Being a person includes not being a douche.
      Signs of you being a douche:
        Leaving immense amounts of trash on your table at a restaurant when it's your job to throw it away.
        Making fun of someone for a disability, passion, looks/traits that are beyond their control, etc. 
        Not using your turn signal when you are switching lanes. That includes getting off the highway and wanting to get in the far right lane, switching lanes, and turning. You know, for getting out of your lane.
         Not knowing how to drive in general.
         
4.)Thou shall wash your hands after you go to the bathroom.

     I don't care what your views are of washing your hands with soap vs. using hand sanitizer. When you use the bathroom, one of the dirtiest places, and walk right out without washing your hands because you "have hand sanitizer in your bag", that's disgusting. Think of everything you're touching with your dirty hands! Personally, I like to wash my hands thoroughly, and then, if I have it, use hand sanitizer after. Please please please just wash your hands before touching the doors that lead out of the bathroom and whatever else you touch.

5.)Thou shall not put your feet out of the car window.

      I don't know why I hate this so much, but it just bugs me . . . like it really irritates me.

6.)Thou shall not reply to my long text with a "K".
 
      I put thought and effort into my text. Unless I was giving you directions, you better say more than "K", like "Oh my, you are glowing with wisdom and beauty. How could I ever measure up to your magnitude?" Yes, I think that would be an acceptable reply.

7.) Thou shall not jaywalk. 

      Jaywalk: To cross a street without regard for approaching traffic. Many a times I have crossed busy intersections, but that was after checking for traffic and realizing that I could get across the ENTIRE street safely and without stopping. If I have to stop in the middle of a busy road to cross, you better believe that I'm going to find the nearest cross walk and use that!
      But you know what? Go ahead, endanger your life. Do what you want:

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      However!!!!! If you are taking someone/something with you like a child or dog, you cannot stop in the middle of an intersection! That is so beyond dangerous and could kill the child or dog. They don't know better! They don't have the power to say no and find a safer way! I can't stress enough how important it is to cross a street safely and not kill innocent creatures. 
      Oh my sweet baby Jesus in a manger, that drives me absolutely insane!

8.)Thou shall flush the toilet.

      I get the whole "conserve water" thing, but when I go to sit down and use the toilet, I don't want to be sitting over someone else's urine or poop or used toilet paper or period remains. Girls, please please please please ALWAYS flush the toilet if it is your time of the month . . . I feel like vomiting thinking about it.

9.)Thou shall not sit in front of me in a movie theater.
 
      If it is a full theater and you don't have a choice, fine, but if there are plenty of seats open and I clearly have my feet up, go somewhere else. Please.

10.)Thou shall not block my path and walk slowly.

      Okay, I actually have a kind of funny story about this. My . . . junior year? Yeah, I think it was my junior or sophomore year in school, I was walking down the hallway (I walk pretty fast) and it was empty besides these four freshman. Now, the first week of school, I'm lenient. I won't push, I won't yell, I'll be relaxed because I know people may still be having trouble finding their classes, etc. Because it was the first week of school, I slowed my pace down and walked behind them. Not only were they walking as slow as a snail and taking up the WHOLE hallway, but one girl made the group stop, and then she said, "Oh my God! This is just like High School Musical!" I have never felt so ashamed in my life. 
      I walk fast. I like getting to places early or on time. I mean business. Therefore, I hate getting stuck behind people that walk slower than I. I can't stand it when people walk super slow, and then proceed to take up the entire stretch of hallway, whether that be at school, hallway, or sidewalk. Just stick to one side! Your group of four can afford to have two people walk in front and two in the back; it won't kill you.



I know what you're thinking. It's one of two things: God! You are so right in every way! Or wow, this girl is really uptight . . . .

If you're reading this today, then Happy Thanksgiving! If not, then I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and ate all the food and all of that good stuff!

Be optimistic because the world isn't quite as beautiful in black and white!

You can do anything you put your mind to!

Stay beautiful!

See ya!

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Fat.Skinny. Average. Whatever.

11/22/2014

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All week I have been seriously struggling with what to write about. The last time I suffered with this much conflict, I was at Hooters trying to decide whether to get crab legs or wings. In this case, the crab legs represents me writing a serious post and the wings represent me writing something more easy-going and fun. I guess I’ll be going with a crab leg discussion! 

Can that be a thing? Like if I’m talking about something serious, I’ll say it’s crab legs, and if it’s something kind of silly, it’ll be wings? No? That probably won’t work out? Yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking either. 

I’m going to talk about weight!

Despite the efforts of Sir Mix A Lot, Meghan Trainor, and other artists, society still craves thin legs, tiny waists, and size 0 pants.

When I was little, I was skinny. Like REALLY skinny. I had some muscle because I like to do sports and my favorite activities were climbing trees and sword fighting with sticks, but I was still pretty dang tiny! And then I went to my grandparents’ for the summer when I was ten and I realized that, Hey, I don’t think I have a fantastic metabolism anymore. For the first time, I had a belly. It was a sad day. Afterwards, I lost weight and got back down to my regular size. For the next few years, I was stick-skinny, but then when I got into the eight grade, I started gaining muscle. My second semester of eight grade I was in basketball, softball, track, and gym, so I was basically in the best shape of my life. I was in track and gym at the same time, which means that I was running around seven miles a week. After that, I was in softball religiously my freshman year. We worked out like crazy, so I was thin, really thin, but I was very healthy. I had muscle and I could run and go up stairs without getting winded and I looked good! My legs looked nice! Well, everything looked pretty nice, if I do say so myself. After I got out of softball my sophomore year, I got incredibly lazy. I started gaining weight that I haven’t been able to lose. In fact, I’ve been at 165-ish pounds for three years, which is about 15 pounds greater than I should be. 

Now, I’m not incredibly fat. Sure, I have a little bit of a stomach, some fat on my thighs, and stretch marks, but I’m not really all that fat. My arms, for example, have kept their muscle and gained zero fat since I quit sports. Because of that, I have struggled getting long-sleeve shirts. I truly believe that the fashion industry thinks that girls have stick-skinny arms until they get to XX size shirts. I’m a size Medium and my arms are practically ripping the fabric on any long-sleeve shirt I get. And it makes me so mad because, as I said, I’m not fat! I had/have to get shirts that are too big for me just to get my arms to fit in sleeves. It’s stupid to say the least. 

As of right now, I’ve been losing a bit of weight and have been working semi-hard to keep at it, but when you get busy, the last thing you want to do is diet and exercise. Ew. My goal is to get down to 150 (my average weight for when I was thin with a good amount of muscle), be able to go up four flights of stairs without dying, and be able to fight off an attacker/be able to run long distances should the need arise. I don’t want super skinny arms, I don’t want to see my ribs, and I don’t want to have legs that can pass as hot dogs, like in those pictures. That just isn’t attractive to me. I want to keep thick, muscular thighs and I want to be strong.

Now, here’s my take on weight loss/weight gain issues that we experience as a society.

1.)This is what is deemed as a perfect body: 

It’s a little uncomfortable for me, honestly. I think her arms are to thin, her legs far too small, and I can start to see the outline of her ribs. For me, that is kind of painful to see.

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2.)This is deemed as overweight:

Yeah, she is a little overweight and could lose some weight, but I think she looks confident, which is attractive! We'll discuss this more in a minute, though.




3.)This is what I think is attractive:

I think a woman who is a healthy and fit is best. This usually shows self-discipline and that they can physically take care of themselves. Don’t over do it! For example, body builder bodies kind of freak me out. No. They freak me out.


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4.)For men, this is deemed as the perfect body:

Eh, I think it is a bit much. Yeah, those arms are sexy, no doubt about that, but it just isn’t realistic. You know?


5.)This is considered underweight:

Yeah, you’re skin and bones, which makes me feel a little weird since I’m like two times your size, but it doesn't freak me out too much. I mean, hell, my first serious boyfriend was this size. 

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6.)This is over weight:

Once again, yes you’re overweight and could lose a few pounds, but I’ll discuss that later.

But, hey! Look at that pose! He is fierce!

7.)This is what I think is attractive:

I hate this picture, but, hey, what can you do? Anyway! He's muscular and looks healthy, which is very attractive because he doesn't look like he spends six hours in the gym every day. 


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Okay! So here’s my overall view of all of these pictures: BE YOURSELF! If you are happy as #1 and #4, then you go and be #1 and #4! If you’re all about that bass, then girl you go and you rock your #2 body and be awesome! Guys, if you like eating and hate working out, like me, then who the hell cares? Be #6! If you’re a #1 but would feel more comfortable and think you’d be happier as a #3, then be a #3. If you’re a #7, but are tired and are unsatisfied and think you’d feel better as a #6, then you go be a #6! Life is NOT about pleasing others! Life is about finding what makes you happy and going all in with that, whether that be gaining weight, losing weight, or staying the same! DO YO THANG, GURL! Be what makes you most comfortable and surround yourself with people who won’t judge you for it! I have friends who fit each one of these descriptions, and I love each and every one of them. Confidence in yourself is beautiful, no matter what your scale says! 



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My entire life, I’ve been obsessed with warrior stuff. Therefore, my ideal body is one that is muscular and capable. I feel that when I am strong enough to lift heavy objects and carry my very tall and surprisingly heavy male friend, Ryley, have enough endurance to run two miles, and, well, just having endurance is nice, that’s when I have reached my weight goal. 

You are awesome! 

You are the cooliest!

DO YO THANG, GURL!

Now, for people who get bullied for their weight. I honestly have a pretty blunt view for these kinds of situations: (Pardon my french) fuck them. People who find pleasure in putting you down and making you feel worthless do not deserve to be in your life and they don’t deserve the satisfaction of knowing that they are getting to you. Don’t cry over the words these people spit at you! Don’t change yourself for people who surround themselves with only “perfect” people and “perfect” things! Alas, I’ll talk about bullying in more detail in another post down the road. 

And may I just express how difficult it was to find just the right picture for #1-#7? I nearly died searching for so long! You’re welcome for my dedication.

Those are my views for weight and I hope that maybe I have provided some form of inspiration or reassurance?!?!?!! Well, I hope I did . . . 

Have a fabulous day full of adventures and happiness.

You are a fantastic human being, keep up the good work!

Dasvidaniya!  

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Things that bring me joy.

11/15/2014

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Let me start off by saying that I had this entire post written, and then it disappeared! Ahh! So now I'm rewriting it. Am I pleased? No, not really. However, as my fellow thespians say, the show must go on!So. I like to think of myself as a three year old in an eighteen year olds body. It's a little . . . strange that I can laugh at so much.
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I mean ,come on! Look at that bunny! It looks like it's about to attack. Like, "Hello, I'm Mr. Bunny and  I'm going to attack you!" I love it :)
Here are some things that bring joy to my life.
I like sticking my finger in my cat's mouth when he yawns. The look of sheer panic and displeasure on his face is priceless! He's just like, "Oh my! Human! What is this? I was just yawning, and now I have an unidentified object in my mouth! Nay. Nay, I say!" It's really great, you should try it sometime.
I like voices. Example time! Old man voices are the absolute best. When I was very, very sad, I talked to my friend, Brandon, and he read me a story in an old man voice. It was probably the best way that anyone has ever cheered me up. It was wonderful. I also love any voices from Family Guy, Cartman, well, I laugh at a lot, so pretty much any funny voice will make me giggle!
I have a very severe love for all things cute. Ask any of my friends, I will be reduced to tears if I see something cute enough like a baby porcupine or those cute little soda cans or a baby animal of almost any kind. I think old people are the cutest! A few years back I was at a store and this old man walks by, all short and cute with his suspenders, and he has a puppy in his arm. Later, as I get close to the exit, I see an old woman with the same puppy in her arms as the old man had! They end up being a couple and have twin puppies! And then they walk out of the store holding hands. Gahh! I nearly died it was so precious!
I really like to make people feel uncomfortable. I have this really creepy smile where I, well, it's really quite impossible to explain. Just imagine the most terrifying pedophile smile. Are you picturing it? Do you feel violated? If your answer to the last question is no, then you aren't thinking hard enough. Anyway, I'll stare at my friends or people driving next to me with that smile for as long as it takes for them to notice me, and then when they look at me, I'll raise my eyebrows or wink. It's beautiful, I must admit. Oh! And going up behind people and whispering strange things in their ear is awesome! I think it's so funny when they get scared and jump!
Have we established yet that I'm weird?
Yes?
Perfect!
I'm a good person. I promise! However, I LOVE morbid jokes.I have a vast library in my mind of jokes ranging from dead baby jokes to blond jokes. Now, I don't condone any of these, but they make me laugh so hard that I cry. It actually makes my day when I get to tell someone new my jokes.
Let's see. One last thing. Oui?
I love food. Cinnabon has been known to bring tears to my eyes. I am slightly obsessed with the sticky delicious treat, and I believe that it can cure cancer.
Of course, there are more things that make me happy, but life itself is just so cool that I can't name everything!




I think I will be doing a blog twice a week? Yeah? Yes. That sounds about right. I hope you guys have been enjoying them so far and keep reading! It'll be nice to know that I'm not just talking to myself . . . haha . . .yeah.

Have a marvelous day, you creative soul you.
You're beautiful, just gorgeous!
Okay. Bye.


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Hello!

11/11/2014

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Greetings and Salutations! 

*breaks into song and dance*

No? Not acceptable? Okay . . . Well, um. Crap. 

Cheers for my first blog! Just so you know, I’m fairly excited to put my rambles onto the internet and pretend someone is reading them and agreeing with me or laughing at my nonsense. This is basically just talking to yourself in an anonymous and discreet yet very public way. Right? 

Let’s jump into some introductions, shall we? I’m currently in college and planning on doing big and great things because who doesn’t want to dream big and succeed? My top four passions include writing, theatre, art, and eating. The first and last ones are sort of in a tie for first. I am super awkward, eccentric, outgoing, weird, and I like to think of myself as one hell of a comedian! Though, I’m sure only one person thinks I’m funny—me. But that’s okay; better one than none! I’ve moved around the country all my life, which has been a perfect mixture of terrifying and strangely amazing. Aaaaand I can’t decide what my favorite color is, so I have a combined love for blue, purple, and green. I suppose you all would like to know that I think I have a growing fear of the ocean. I’ll dive (hehe! A pun!) into that with another blog. 

One last thing before I send you all off: I have two major accomplishments. Numbero Uno. I am a novelist, with one book finished and a second on the way. Yay! My second accomplishment is the number of times I have seen Treasure Planet. Have I counted? No. But I’m pretty certain it’s up there . . . like 37? Yeah, it’s kind of my favorite movie. 

Okie dokie! I’m fairly satisfied, so I’ll end it right around here. Eh? Yeah. 

I’ll post another within a day or two, so look for it! 

I hope my words have reached into your body and hugged your soul, gently, like a friend hug. 

You are all beautiful creatures of the world. 

Soldier on.

Ciao. 

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    Who am I?  

    Just a plain Jane who isn't really all that plain, exposing her soul to you. You're welcome.

    Keep an eye out for new posts! And I randomly post new pictures, so peek into that sometimes, too!:)
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